Do you ever get the feeling...

I need a nap.
Image courtesy of Karen Andrews,
rgbstock.com

that something's gotta give?

Does this ever happen to you: You're really excited about something, like a project you're working on or a book you're reading or writing, so you stay up way, way past the time you know you should have gone to bed. And then the next night you do the same thing. And the next. And suddenly you find yourself staying up late every night, month after month, year after year, until you start falling asleep in your coffee and stumble bleary-eyed through every day?

No?

Is it just me?

For the past several years, I've gotten an average of four or five hours of sleep a night. The thing is, I like my quiet time. A quiet house is my refuge. I get up early because I like being able to write when no one else is awake. I like sitting in silence as I enjoy my coffee and the beginning of a new day. I like the peace that comes before the storm of child-activity once the kids are awake and playing/fighting in the living room. And honestly, if I don't have some time to myself before the rest of the family gets up, I'm not a very nice person.

But getting up early is not really a problem in itself, is it? The problem is that I also enjoy having that "me time" at night, so I stay up too late after the kids go to bed—way too late...

So every day I get up early.

And every night I stay up too late.

And both of these things worked fine for a while—years, in fact. But then I discovered something shocking:

I'm getting older.

And these three things—getting up early, staying up late, and aging—don't really mix. Sadly, I'm not in college anymore. I no longer have the ability to pull all-nighters and still function as a human being the next day. This thought makes me sad...

So I need advice. How do you order your day so that you still have time for the things you enjoy and want to do? How do you get all the necessary stuff done and still find time for yourself—and for sleep?

I really need to know the answer.

But right now I just need a nap.

Happy Thursday!

Still struggling to find that balance

I started this blog as a way of trying to figure out how to balance my responsibilities as a stay-at-home mom with my passion for writing. I needed a place to record my thoughts--not only my thoughts about writing but about family life and other musings as well--so that I could step back and see where I could make changes or alter my days so that I have time to do everything I want to do. I needed a plan.

I haven't found one yet.

What I've learned most from seeing parts of my life "in print" is that I can't do it all. This is something I've always known, of course, but recording my thoughts here has made me see how true it is, and since I've always been a perfectionist, this truth really hurts. I see that I'm hard on myself for not being able to cross everything off my to-do list each day, and I suffer from a huge case of Mommy Guilt whenever I try to do something for myself. For example, if I decide to write a few paragraphs instead of playing a game with the kids, I feel almost crippled by the guilt. All I can think of is that I'm "wasting" their childhood and that I should be spending every possible minute I can with them before I'm no longer the center of their world.

And I learned that I suffer from another kind of guilt as well: Writer Guilt.  If I use naptime to try to keep up with the laundry instead of plotting the next part of my WIP, I feel guilty. If I opt to walk on the treadmill before the kids are up instead of working on the 100 words exercises I do each morning, I feel guilty. If I decide to relax by watching television when the kids go to bed instead of trying to edit or write another chapter, I feel guilty. The list goes on.

There are so many important things that I want to do and that I need to do, and I can't seem to find the balance.

It occurred to me today that maybe I just have a guilty personality. I've felt guilty about things all my life, some serious and some silly: guilt over going out with friends rather than spending time with my now deceased grandma; guilt over leaving my dog at home when I know that she'd really like to go for a ride in the car; guilt over opting to sleep in instead of going to church... I realize that everyone experiences guilt, but I think I take it to an extreme. I let it paralyze me until I'm unable to accomplish anything. Maybe it is just part of my personality, something innate, wired in. But I know I could learn to control it, if only I knew how.

Since I can't seem to find the answer--if there is one--I want to ask you. How do you achieve balance in your life? How do you decide which of your responsibilities is most important at any given moment? How do you "do it all"? Or if you don't accomplish everything, how do you find peace about the things that you're not able to do?