Saturday, March 5, 2011

My children's love amazes me

I'm humbled by my children's unconditional love for me. Their unexpected hugs and kisses, their small voices saying "I love you" with complete sincerity and truth, their pride when they point at me and tell the people we sit next to at story time that "That's my mommy"--it's a love I often feel I don't deserve. There are so many days when I'm not lovable: I'm cranky, I yell out of frustration, I think my head will explode if I have to play just one more game... I carry a lot of guilt about these feelings, and I feel ashamed of myself when sticky fingers grab hold of mine or little arms throw themselves around my neck for a hug. They love me so much. I love them too, more than words can describe. They are my world. But I know how fallible I am; I know that I would never win the title of World's Best Mother--or even come close. And so when the kids look at me and see their world, sometimes I do feel sad--sad because I know that they deserve so much more than the mother I am. And it always amazes me that they're mine, that I'm the one they look for in a crowded room, that I'm the one they call for when they need more milk or a blanket or a hug. I'm awed that I'm the one they love.

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