Dana's Very Bad Day

It started off nicely enough.

I'd had my coffee; the kids weren't fighting. Everything was...well, cool.

Then the library's Max and Ruby DVD went missing, and all hell broke loose. The three of us searched high; we searched low. We searched what we'd already searched, then searched it all again.

The DVD was gone, AWOL, missing in action, and we feared we would never see it again. The kids were sad. I was sad too; I didn't want to pay a fine.

As the search went on, the kids grew bored and restless. I grew angry. I ranted and raved. "Why can't you remember to put things back where they belong?" I shouted.

After hours of searching, we were overcome by exhaustion. The littlest one took a nap. The bigger one played. I, the old and cranky one, made dinner and stewed.

Our soup tasted of rage. Daddy returned from work and heard the story. He vowed to continue the search. I vowed to continue to rant. The kids ate...remarkably.

After dinner (no dessert), I did the dishes, then went through the trash, still searching, still fuming. Nothing. I sat at the table, racked my brain, was at a loss.

Then...joy! The bigger one raced into the room, DVD in hand--and peace reigned once again.

**Ihis is the greatly sanitized version; our day was much, much worse. We're hoping for a better one tomorrow.

Sunday roundup -- or -- A very brief update

Recently, I resolved to make some changes in my life. Some of them have gone well, and the rest...

Diet:  Not good. I haven't changed my eating habits much, and I haven't been exercising as I should. I'm starting to feel bad about myself, and I know I need to work harder.

Chocolate Consumption: See "Diet." I'm eating the same or maybe even more chocolate than I had been. I've got to get out of the mind-set that chocolate is easing my stress levels. I'm getting so I can find any excuse to consume it, from calming myself after a rough day to celebrating an accomplishment.

Writing Output: Needs to be better. I'm starting to second-guess my novel's opening scene, which is never good at this early part in the writing process. On the positive side, I've been posting here every day, and I also post daily at two other sites. My new goal is to work harder at finding time for my novel--and to stop revising as I go.

Tomorrow is another day, right?

My children's love amazes me

I'm humbled by my children's unconditional love for me. Their unexpected hugs and kisses, their small voices saying "I love you" with complete sincerity and truth, their pride when they point at me and tell the people we sit next to at story time that "That's my mommy"--it's a love I often feel I don't deserve. There are so many days when I'm not lovable: I'm cranky, I yell out of frustration, I think my head will explode if I have to play just one more game... I carry a lot of guilt about these feelings, and I feel ashamed of myself when sticky fingers grab hold of mine or little arms throw themselves around my neck for a hug. They love me so much. I love them too, more than words can describe. They are my world. But I know how fallible I am; I know that I would never win the title of World's Best Mother--or even come close. And so when the kids look at me and see their world, sometimes I do feel sad--sad because I know that they deserve so much more than the mother I am. And it always amazes me that they're mine, that I'm the one they look for in a crowded room, that I'm the one they call for when they need more milk or a blanket or a hug. I'm awed that I'm the one they love.

After a long day...

Tonight is wine and Sex and the City and chocolate, then reading and sleep and dreams.

Good night.

"Reach out and touch faith"

I made salmon loaf for dinner tonight. As I was removing the skin and bones from the canned salmon, I noticed the round bones of the backbone--really noticed them. I saw their absolute perfection--how they're all flawlessly round, nearly identical in size--and to me, at that moment--and as strange as it may seem to someone else--those little bones were just one more proof of the existence of God.

And all is (finally) well

Yesterday I finally got over whatever it was that was preventing me from starting my WIP. Now that I'm over that hurdle, I think the rest of the story will follow much more easily.

It's funny... One of the courses I taught as a college instructor was composition. Students would often come to me with complaints about how much difficulty they were having starting their essays. My advice was always the same: start somewhere else in the essay and go back to the beginning later. For some, this method worked. The rest insisted that they couldn't write anything unless they had a good beginning, and they would struggle until they finally hit upon an idea. I, as evidenced by many of these blog posts, fall into this second category. This is one case where I just can't practice what I preach.

Dreams

I've been having strange dreams for the past two nights, dreams about things like missing hams (I know!) and people I haven't thought about in years and friends who might not know how to use a hammer in real life suddenly flipping houses. For a long time, I either didn't dream or couldn't recall the ones I was having, so even though these dreams are strange, it's nice to know I'm dreaming again. And all writers know that sometimes story ideas lurk in dreams...