Friday, April 27, 2012

X is for Kisses (XOXO!)

Beware of the Mad Kisser!

Yes, you read that right. The Mad Kisser is on the loose in our home. Cover your face and proceed with caution, as you'll never know exactly when she'll strike!

Not my daughter, but this is a cute pair of kissing elephants!
Photo by Yana Ray, courtesy of Public Domain Pictures
Okay, MK (Mad Kisser, not Michelle Kwan) is actually my overly affectionate two-year-old daughter, and, depending on what she's just finished eating, you might want to run in the opposite direction if you see her coming, lest you fall victim to one of her messy kisses. I've been on the receiving end of more of MK's kisses than I can count, and I've learned that they usually fall into five slobbery categories.



First we have the Standard Wet Kiss (SWK), which most often occurs immediately after MK has guzzled a cup of water.

♥ Telltale sign: a wet face, including nose, mouth, and chin
♥ Recommendation: Unless you're wearing a silk shirt, proceed with the kiss. (Believe me, MK is too cute to resist, especially when her face isn't too messy. Besides, the SWK causes little harm--unless, of course, you're wearing that silk shirt. Wait. Why are you still standing there? Run!)

No, not that kind of goldfish.
Image courtesy of Scott Liddell
rgbstock.com
Next on the list is the Cheesy Goldfish Kiss (CGK). I must warn you that this kiss can cause severe consequences if you don't take proper precautions.

♥ Telltale sign: Day-Glo orange lips
♥ Recommendation: If you're wearing clothing, run. (And if you're not wearing clothing, you'd better run anyway. This is my house, not a nudist colony.) So...just run. Day-Glo lips mean Day-Glo hands. Trust me. I know this.


Third up on the list is the I Just Ate Pancakes with Maple Syrup and Now I Want to Share My Breakfast with You Kiss (IJAPWMSANIWTSMBWYK). This kiss is as horrifying to behold as its acronym is to say.

♥ Telltale signs: Sticky, shiny lips, cheeks, nose, chin--and sometimes hair.
♥ Recommendation: Don't let MK get near you. If she succeeds in her mission, the two of you will be glued together all morning. Your best strategy is to hold a wet wipe out in front of you and slowly move away. Then call for backup. This girl can move fast.


Next is the Spaghetti/Pizza Kiss (S/PK). This kiss leaves MK with an almost indelible sauce mustache that is difficult to miss.  

♥ Telltale signs: a red sauce-rimmed mouth; hands will likely be red sauce-covered as well
♥ Recommendation: Unless you want to look like you just got home from a food fight, run. If for some reason you can't run, barricade yourself behind the couch, then yell for help. If help doesn't arrive, surrender, then grab the afghan off the couch and wrap it around yourself. (Work quickly!) It's okay. I forgive you for ruining my afghan.

Finally, if I had to choose a favorite of MK's messy kisses, it would be this one: the Holiday Chocolate Kiss (HCK), which tends to be pretty common at our house around Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas. Similar kisses include the Birthday Cake Kiss (BCK), Brownie Kiss (BK), and Cookie Kiss (CK).

♥ Telltale signs: a brown, sticky, sweetly scented face
♥ Recommendation: Do nothing. Embrace the kiss, clothing and face be damned. A little chocolate doesn't hurt anything--and it can help a good deal!

So there you have it: an (almost) definitive guide to the Mad Kisser!

Can you babysit next week? ;)

In all seriousness, a few days ago I wrote about how my life, chaotic though it is, is truly my Utopia. Similarly, my daughter's kisses are my Xanadu. Despite the stickiness and the stains and the Day-Glo orange mustaches I inevitably sport after she gets me with one of her kisses, I love them all the same.

Because really, when you think about it, what could be better than a child's kiss, no matter how sloppy?

XOXO


What's your Xanadu?

54 comments:

  1. Aaaah! Lovely slobbery kisses planted with gay abandon - never refuse a child's kisses, you can always wash later.

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  2. Oh how sweet! Such a perfect X entry! Too cute with her slobbery kisses! Honestly, it would be fun to babysit a little one that age; so full of energy and delight! Enjoy each and every one of those kisses indeed!

    betty

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  3. Sweet post!! Now I have the poem stuck in my head...

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    1. It's stuck in my head, too. I love that poem! I wrote so many papers on it in college.

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  4. Nice posting. I have grandkids and have to agree on the kisses. My Chihuahua is also a sneaky kisser :)

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  5. Kisses from anyone are sweet but little kid kisses (and hugs!) are given with such abandon and NO strings attached. Love it!

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    1. They're the absolute best!

      Thanks. :)

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  6. Clever way to tie in X. I love those elephants.

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  7. Right on there, sister. I'd trade it all for more kisses from my dynamic duo. Plus the kids, I've got a 70lb beast who loves to give wet slobbery ones too... no not my hubby... my dog. lol
    MK sounds adorable. Lucky you. :)

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    1. Thanks! She's a real sweetie. :)

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  8. I was going to do "XOXO" for kisses today too--but Morgan made her college choice so I decided on "X Marks the Spot where Morgan Decided to go to College" (at www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com) instead.

    Your post is MUCH cuter than mine would have been! Kid kisses are the best...once in awhile I get one from (soon to go to college) Morgan and I'm especially thankful for those.

    God bless you and your family--and enjoy every moment with that little girl--she sounds more than precious!

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    1. Congrats to her! That's wonderful!

      Thanks so much for your kind words. :)

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  9. I thought X would give more people a fit, but so far everyone's post is a winner. Your post especially!

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    1. That's sweet of you to say. Thanks!

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  10. Ohhh... I miss those days!
    So adorable! I like the acronyms!!!

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    1. These days go by too fast. I'm trying to enjoy them!

      Thanks, Cheryl!

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  11. So cute! IJAPWMSANIWTSMBWYK is my favourite! I love little kisses from my brother. We have a family friend who has a little girl and she is very kissy and cuddly too :) It's so sweet!

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  12. Kiddie kisses are the BEST, no matter how sloppy. We savor every kiss we get from the grandchildren, because we know they're gonna grow up even faster than our kids did. Hmmm, kittie kisses are pretty darned sweet, too.

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    1. I think about that a lot--how fast the kids are growing. I'll take all the sloppy kisses I can get right now!

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  13. She sounds like a sweetie. :) Very good X post! Thanks for coming by my blog. :)

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  14. Ahhh! This was so cute! Been decades since my little one was two. Brought back sweet memories. They grow up so quickly!! ;)

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    1. They sure do! I'm trying to savor every moment. :)

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  15. There is nothing better than little girl kisses, except maybe little boy kisses. I miss them a lot. Kitty kisses just aren't the same, although they are sweet.

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    1. Yes, my little boy's kisses are pretty wonderful, too. :)

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  16. Oh my, what a wonderful post! Great X choice. Thanks for visiting my blog. I'll be back to visit yours.

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  17. "my daughter's kisses are my Xanadu"

    Love it!

    BTW, my five-year-old son is a kisser, but it got him into trouble when he asked a girl in his Sunday school class for a kiss. :)

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    1. Uh-oh! How cute! :)

      Thanks, Linda.

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  18. I will pass on #3 - I hate sticky! So much so that my son was the least sticky kid that ever existed.

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    1. Yes, number 3 is probably my least favorite as well. (And this kid eats pancakes almost every single day.)

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  19. This is so cute. Nothing can match a baby's sloppy kiss. love your Xanadu.

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  20. This was brilliant. But, I have to run. I thought this was the nudist colony.
    *blush!

    HMG

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  21. Awww! This is awesome. I think my kids' kisses are my xanado too! But I love your list! HA! That's awesome!

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  22. I miss all those kind of kisses. Now that my son and daughter are 20 and 18, respectively, getting them from them would be just plain icky.
    I'll just have to wait for grandkids.
    But, that better not be for several years.

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    1. LOL :)

      I'm sure I'll probably say the same thing in a few years.

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  23. What a cute post! :) My nephews are almost teenagers now but I remember when they ran after me to get hugs and kisses! I miss those days!
    Have a great weekend!!

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    1. Thanks, Cat. Have a nice weekend!

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  24. Dana You are a LUCKY woman!
    Kisses from a 2 year old are the best!

    Loved reading this wonderful post!

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  25. I love this post! And I remember the spaghetti and maple syrup kisses very well. :)

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  26. What a fantastic post! I laughed. I have a two year old as well and no matter how sloppy and dirty he is, I smile when he kisses me.

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    1. I know exactly how you feel. Kids are hard to resist, no matter what. :)

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  27. This is adorable!
    I used to do this with my sister when she was a toddler too. We had so many kinds of kisses we lost count :D

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